Dear Cornelius

Mandy Wells was on her smoke break, cyber-stalking her no-good ex on penitentiarypals.com when she saw his profile, Cornelius Landon Brodnic III. Convict, armed robbery. And her heart skipped a beat.

Dear Cornelius,

I saw a swan today. It was so pretty as it glided along the water. It looked real peaceful and gentle. It came right up to me and I reached out to pet it but a lady warned me to step back and be careful.

She said, “Swans look gentle but they’re really mean inside. If you get too close they hiss and flap their wings. They’re so strong they can even break your arm with those wings.” I think you’re like that swan.

Why won’t you see me? I tried again today but the guard said you refused to see me and gave me my letters back. I noticed you kept the socks, the cell phone and the $20.

Don't Be Like That

We are soul mates! I told you so in all my letters. Why won't you believe me?

I only wish you would let me see you. Then you would feel what I feel. I don’t get why you had the guards throw me out. As pretty as you are Cornelius, you are cold inside. Just like that swan. You may not have broken my arm, but you broke my heart.

When will you stop being mean to me? It's hurting my feelings. I'm fixing to never come back. Never. Ever. Not kidding.... this time.

I've been thinking real hard about this and I know what you're doing, Cornelius. You're testing my love for you.

Well, I can tell you, I'll never stop loving you.

Mandy

P.S. I got you some Lucky Strikes, some Cheez-Its, and that beef jerky you like.